Surrogacy vs. Adoption: Which Should You Choose? Here Are The Risks & Benefits Of Options For Intended Parents Who Struggle with Starting a Family
Parents who struggle with infertility typically stand at a crossroads when wanting to add to their family.
Do they adopt or do they attempt surrogacy?
This article will examine surrogacy and adoption and discuss the advantages that surrogacy has over adoption.
Surrogacy
First, it’s important to understand what surrogates are and the process involved.
When a couple struggling with infertility utilizes a surrogate, they basically become an egg donor and a sperm donor.
Through a process known as in-vitro fertilization, the egg and sperm from the intended parents are united and fertilized. This fertilized embryo is then placed inside of a surrogate mother who carries it to term. Because the egg donor and the sperm donor are the intended parents, the child that is birthed from the surrogate mother is their actual biological child.
In-vitro fertilization makes that possible.
The process involves a series of eggs being removed from the intended mother. They’re placed upon a petri dish. The intended father also donates his sperm. They’re placed within the petri dish.
This makes it easier for the sperm to find the egg and fertilize it. In-vitro fertilization then allows the fertilized embryo to be placed within the surrogate mother where the child will develop and grow until it’s time for the birth.
Throughout that experience, the intended parents are able to feel their baby kicking, attend ultrasound screenings, and be a part of their baby’s life whilst it’s in the womb.
In-vitro fertilization and surrogacy in California are an excellent option for intended parents who want biological children but face difficulty with infertility.
Adoption
Adoption, on the other hand, does not mean that the children you receive are biologically related.
Adoption can be a great way of giving homes to those children who are already born. 135,000 children are adopted each year, in fact.
That being said, there are around 2 million couples also waiting to adopt a child.
With only 114,556 children able to be adopted from the foster care system, that’s a lot of competition that parents have to face in order to adopt a child.
Adopting a child is cheaper than the surrogate process, but from the statistics above- also can be a lot more challenging and time-consuming.
Here are a few reasons why you might want to consider surrogacy in California over adopting a child:
#1 – Waiting to Have Kids
In today’s day and age, intended parents are waiting longer than ever to have children.
This can be due to careers or because of the state of the world. Most parents prefer to establish themselves in their careers before starting a family and sometimes, this can take several years to do. Others want to wait until the world is a bit calmer.
Some are concerned about the state of the economy. They want to know that they can provide their children with a bright future regardless of the economy.
Other couples just aren’t ready to have a child. Or they may decide later in life that they want to add to their family. Whatever the reason may be, couples are having children later in life. While this can benefit their personal lives, it doesn’t help with their fertility.
As a person grows older, their bodies become less and less able to have children.
Once women reach a certain age, in fact, their body shuts down all ability to have children. This process known as menopause can be difficult to pin down in terms of when it will happen.
It may come out of nowhere before a woman is prepared. Her ability to conceive a child after menopause is extremely unlikely. It’s also more likely that the child will have birth defects or be born prematurely.
While adopting a child is an option at any stage in life, it’s also quite a lengthy one.
You may not even find a child that you connect with. That makes you wait even longer. Choosing to utilize a fertility clinic and a surrogate mother can allow you to wait until you’re ready to rear children without having to wait too long for the process to begin.
There are always surrogate mothers ready to give your family a child.
Through our surrogacy agency, you’re able to place the focus on your life for as long as you need to and still have a biological child of your own, unless you have to use an egg donor or sperm donor or both.
#2 – Parents Changing Their Minds
Perhaps the saddest part about wanting to adopt a child is the sheer number of parents who change their mind, and sometimes at the last second.
This can be risky for would-be parents who have already undergone the process of sourcing the child and obtaining proper approval through the correct channels.
With adoption, the chance will be there for an amount of time (typically up to 10 days after birth) for the parent to change their mind.
There are a lot of emotions that occur during birth. A mother, after holding her baby for the first time, might be unable to sever the bond between herself and the baby.
As such, she might choose not to give up the baby after all. That places the intended parents in a difficult position, and usually, there is not much the hopeful parents receiving the child can do but start the process looking for a child again.
For one, they wasted a considerable amount of time waiting for the child to be born.
That’s a time that they could have spent for an IVF treatment at a fertility clinic. It actually takes less time for IVF than it does to wait for a woman to give birth to a child for adoption.
Unless, of course, the intended parents find a woman who is about ready to give birth.
Even then, the likelihood that the mother is actually going to give up the baby is slim or at least a valid concern. She’s waited so long to decide already that it’s clear that she may be attached to the baby.
Instead of spending a lot of your time waiting and potentially missing out on being parents, you should choose a surrogate mother and go through an IVF treatment. The process of adoption can be difficult enough as it is.
Even if the mother doesn’t give up the baby at birth, she may still want to retake her rights as the baby’s mother later in life. That’s a legal battle that you shouldn’t have to face. You can be sure that a legal battle is going to cost you more than the cost of surrogacy would in the long-run.
#3 – Parents Who Reclaim Their Kids in Foster Care
Foster care is a popular form of adopting a child.
There are currently around 402,000 children in foster care. In the foster care system, the children are typically taken away from parents who are deemed unfit. They’re usually older.
This alone can cause quite a few problems for intended parents.
Older children have a more difficult time acclimating to their new family. They have already established familial bonds and ties. They might find it difficult to emotionally bond with you.
They might also have behavioral issues that were encouraged by their unfit parents. These issues can potentially be disciplined and taught out of them, but it’s a mess that you have to handle.
Instead of dealing with older kids who have established lives outside of you, you should think about finding a surrogate instead.
A fertility clinic can further help along with your fertility and oversee the process of IVF to ensure that your embryo is placed securely within the surrogate. You can have your own biological child delivered to you right at the birth.
From the very start, they are yours to love and to teach. You won’t miss out on the baby years or toddler years. Their behavior and manners can be instructed according to your values and beliefs.
Another aspect of the foster care system is that because the children are typically there due to unfit parents, there’s always a chance that the parents might return.
Parents who clean themselves up and make improvements in their life have a strong claim to their children. They may show up either at the foster care home or your own home and demand that their children are handed over.
Even the courts might side with them if they’ve truly turned their life around. In fact, courts often give parents a period of time in which they can turn their life around in order to earn custody of their children again.
If you’ve already chosen a child, then you might have to give them up if the parent returns with custody rights.
Again, this presents a legal battle that makes the cost of adoption steep.
Some parents can be even unstable and threaten your family. There’s also the emotional cost to consider. You may have bonded with the child that you adopted from foster care.
To lose them to their biological parent may be devastating for you. Using a surrogate bypasses this potential for emotional trauma for the entire family.
Finally, the foster care family, themselves, might prove to be difficult. Foster care families receive a certain amount of money each month by fostering kids. Many families rely on that money for their sole income. Or, at the very least, as money to help bolster their finances. Not all foster care families are generous or have open hearts. Some are just in it for the money.
If they’re unwilling to give up a child because it means a pay cut for them, then they might make the process of adoption exceedingly difficult. They might even think up problems that can bar you from adopting.
Certain foster care families can be a nightmare to deal with.
A fertility clinic and a surrogate are far more friendly and are actually on your side- not to mention you will hire a surrogate attorney in California that will help you on the legal side of the matter. They want to help you battle with your infertility and still give you the same opportunity to be a parent.
#4 – Problems Conceiving Biological Children
Perhaps you’re a woman whose eggs are damaged or unhealthy.
Or you’re a man who doesn’t have a healthy sperm count if any moving sperm at all.
You may believe that you are unable to have biological children. Adopting a child may seem like the only path forward to having children. That isn’t the case.
In the case of women, you can find a surrogate and an egg donor. In this way, the child can still receive the genetic material from the father.
Your children will be grown inside of the surrogate and have, at the very least, half of the biological material from one of the parents. The same can be done for a man with unhealthy or unmoving sperm. A sperm donor can be used to fertilize the intended mother’s egg.
Again, the child will still have some biological attachment to the parents.
In the event that both parents are unable to conceive a child even with standard IVF, then you can still have an embryo donated. This embryo can then be placed either inside of the surrogate or the intended mother if she is healthy enough to carry it.
Essentially, it is still possible to have a child even if you are unable to conceive. Using a surrogate allows you to bypass the process of adoption and experience the development of your baby and its birth.
#5 – Adoption Has Risks
The cost of adoption is typically cheaper than that of the cost of surrogacy.
However, this is typically the only real benefit that intended parents receive with adoption. The risks they face with the process of adoption may outweigh that cheaper price and might even drive up the price if a legal battle is called for.
One risk that intended parents might face by adopting a baby is an inability to bond with it.
This a sad but real problem that can arise. As human beings, we are a species that is built of recognizing and protecting our own. We make connections to those who share similarities with us.
For certain intended parents, it may be difficult to bond with your adopted child. This risk increases the older the child is when they’re adopted.
Sometimes it’s simply because the older child, themselves, won’t allow their new adoptive parents to bond with them.
This can cause a lot of disruption in the home. It may not be a healthy place for anyone, let alone a child, to grow and develop. You may even feel stuck at what to do. Giving the child back up for adoption may seem cruel.
Instead, everyone will suffer from an uncomfortable home and family experience. No cost of adoption can make up for the emotional damage that may result in being unable to bond with your adopted child.
You may also experience harassment from the child’s biological parents.
While this isn’t always the case, it has been known to happen. A biological parent may have had their child forcibly removed from them. They’re understandably still attached to their child and want them returned. You might experience unpleasant phone calls, personal interactions in public areas, and the threat of legal action.
Even if the court sides with you and reinforces your custody over the child, it doesn’t mean that the biological parent will stop harassing you.
A restraining order can be issued, but it might not solve the problem either.
One thing that you might discover is that your child actually has a condition or disease that sprouts up later in life.
A perk of using a fertility clinic with a surrogate mother is that you will most likely use genetic testing with embryos that are screened.
If there are any genetic health risks that might be passed onto your child, then you are usually informed. Right from the start, you know if your child is going to be susceptible to a disease or condition later in life.
This is not something that you know if you adopt.
You may have their medical file but you don’t have their genetic history. Some kids may not even know who their parents are.
While a health condition shouldn’t bar a child from being adopted, it is something that parents should know. Some parents are more financially suited than others to deal with health problems.
If your child becomes ill because of this genetic disease, then it may be a costly venture that you have to help them through for the rest of your lives.
This can take a great financial and emotional toll on the family.
The cost of surrogacy may be more expensive up-front, but at least you know everything about your child genetically from the start—assuming the genetic material is your own.
When you find a surrogate, they work on your terms. If you don’t want them involved in the baby’s life after they have given birth to the baby, then that is a discussion and want you can have with your surrogate agency located in Sacramento.
Many intended parents end up having a close and lasting relationship with their surrogates. This is opposed to an adoption in which you are reliant on the birth mother accepting your terms.
If your adopted child is able to access their birth parent’s family, then you might discover that they are also exposed to an unstable person.
A birth mother’s mother or spouse, for example, might prove to be a negative force. Your child may be exposed to that without you knowing. This negative force might further fracture the relationship between you and the adopted child.
Yet you might also find it difficult to legally remove the birth mother’s right to see their child if this wasn’t something discussed in the terms before the birth.
Adoption Benefits
In the discussion of surrogacy vs adoption, there are benefits to adopting a child.
These are children who have, perhaps, come from unhealthy homes. They may be wounded emotionally. They may even be traumatized from their experiences at their former home. You can show them what a real home and a real family is.
Adopting a child gives you the chance to show that love doesn’t always depend on whose blood fills their veins. Love is transcendent and transformative.
Children up for adoption need homes just as badly as unborn babies do, perhaps even more so.
If it’s on your heart to provide a home for a child who is removed from their birth parents or from an unhealthy situation- adoption will be a great decision for you.
You have to have a special heart for the issues that surround the adoption world, and specific emotional issues that are inherent and present with children who are given up for adoption.
It’s a noble action on your part as intended parents to take on the risks of loving a child from this arrangement, and certainly takes the right set up at home.
Adoption is also cheaper. That makes it a great option for intended parents who want so badly to have children but aren’t equipped for the costs of surrogacy.
Choose What’s Right For You
You have two options for adding to your family when struggling with fertility.
Adoption can allow you to give a home to a child that is already born and in need of a family. You can improve their lives and give them a real chance to make a difference in the world.
The cost of adoption is also cheaper than utilizing a surrogate unless you factor in the risks and other costs that could arise in the above article.
If you’re an intended parent who is looking for a surrogate or need to find a surrogate, please contact our agency today!
