Your New Surrogate Child: How to Handle Family and Support Network
Raising a new child is difficult, and even though the journey of your surrogacy may have gone well, many intended parents will find that there is more difficulty around the corner.
For parents who have just had a surrogate baby, you may wonder if it’s any more difficult to introduce the new baby to your extended family, or children you may already have. You may even wonder if there are any additional support networks out there.
After all, the process of receiving your own baby was more difficult than parents who did not struggle with infertility.
This article will offer up some tips on how to introduce your surrogate baby to your family and how to find or develop a new support network.
One of the very first group of people that you should turn to for support is your surrogate mother and surrogate mothers as a network.
Surrogacy in California is quite popular.
As such, there are many surrogate networks that exist both within the state and nationally. These networks typically grow out of a surrogate agency.
The agency which matches intended parents and their surrogate mother creates a welcome and comfortable space for intended parents to talk about their problems and worries both before, during, and after the pregnancy.
If you only wish to utilize one surrogate’s advice, then you can turn to the surrogate who carried your baby.
She’s a parent herself and can likely offer a lot of tips, encouragement, sympathies, and advice on how to parent your new baby.
One of the biggest steps that you’re going to take in this process is to find a surrogate that is perfect for your family. How long your relationship lasts with her is up to you.
Considering that she can be a wealth of information on parenting, it might be a good idea to keep her close even after the baby is born.
No doubt that your own mother and father are so excited to meet your baby from a surrogacy.
They’ve likely supported you through your problems with infertility and all of the nerves that you’ve had over using a surrogate agency.
Once you have your new baby, your parents are likely going to be thrilled to meet them.
One of the best ways to introduce the new baby to your parents is to throw a party.
Invite your parents over to meet their new grandchild.
Once they see that the baby is yours rather than looking like someone else involved in the surrogacy, they’re sure to welcome the baby with open arms.
Your parents can also be a great support network.
They raised you, after all. They’re walking encyclopedias on what works and what doesn’t work with a baby. That being said, all babies are different. What worked on you as a baby may not necessarily work on your own baby.
However, if you ever need a babysitter or even just a breather, you should be able to rely on your parents to step in now and then.
Most likely, your parents will be very happy and able (if they are retired or nearing retirement) to help watch your new child.
When it comes to your friends, you may have to be a bit warier.
Not all friends like children. Some may have even made the decision not to have kids. Friends who don’t have children of their own likely aren’t the best to go to for parenting advice.
However, if they’re willing, then they might still be able to offer you support. Those who are comfortable around children can make great babysitters.
Those aren’t great around children can still get you out of the house and allow you to focus on yourself on for a little while. Mothers and fathers need to live their own lives outside of the baby sometimes, too.
You can introduce your friends to the baby either as a group or individually.
Friends who are uncomfortable with babies will likely do best in group environments where they’re not pressured to socialize with the baby for a long period of time. Those friends who are parents themselves can be introduced to the baby individually.
These introductions are helpful for you in determining who your baby gets on the best with. It may help you decide who your go-to babysitter is going to be and if your first choice of a godparent is actually going to be a good one.
Friends can be great for support.
Those who knew about the struggles with infertility that you faced are intimate enough with you to be able to lend an ear and stand at your side for everything else that is to come.
Other Parents of Surrogate Babies
Thanks to the internet, you can easily find others who have had their babies through surrogacy. These forums are typically there specifically for support.
Parents who have undergone the same sort of experience in trying to find a surrogate, going through the surrogate process, and then having their baby born can all empathize with one another with some of the struggles of parenting.
Sometimes, these forums and groups even decide to meet outside of the internet.
You can spearhead that meeting by suggesting it in the first place and making it happen. By meeting face-to-face with other intended parents, that sense of support can only be nurtured and grown further.
After undergoing surrogacy in California, you may have lingering questions about the future. You may even be concerned about whether your child will bond with you.
Or if the baby is used to the surrogate’s voice over your own.
The best advice that you can receive is from those who have lived through it already and those who are living through it just as you are.
Other Family Members
If you already have adopted children in the family or extended family that want to meet the baby, then you might be unsure of how to introduce the new baby to them.
For adopted children, they may feel as though they are being replaced.
This baby is biological, after all. You should take the time to sit down with them and assure them that the love you have for them is just as strong as any love you might have for a child of your own making.
You should also ensure that they know and feel like they’re still a priority in your life.
This can be difficult with a new baby in the house that requires a lot of attention. This process can be made easier with the help of your partner.
One should focus on the baby all day while the other spends a lot of time with the adopted child or children. Then, the next day, you switch.
Also, when at all possible, the adopted child or children should be included in taking care of the baby. By being allowed to help nurture, feed, change and wash them, they feel as though they are an active member of the family.
It also helps them to bond with the baby.
As for the extended family, depending on their spiritual and political views, they might not readily accept a baby from a surrogate. This is usually borne out of ignorance.
You should still invite them to meet the baby. Once they see that the baby is just like any other baby, their beliefs may change.
If you’re an intended parent and you have frozen embryos ready for matching with a surrogate near you, please contact our surrogate agency located in Sacramento.