The Surrogacy Journey: Match Meeting Preparation
8 thoughts to consider when meeting your potential surrogacy match!
Hello Intended Parents and Hopeful Surrogate!
Thank you for reaching our blog, where we address topics such as how to become a surrogate with Made in the USA Surrogacy, other surrogacy related topics such as surrogacy costs, and process related articles that will help both parents and surrogate mother prospects learn about the process of surrogacy related to their journey.
In today’s blog, we are going to discuss the Match Meeting and how to be prepared.
What is a “match meeting” you ask?
It’s when you as an intended parent have liked the profile of a potential surrogate candidate and now you and she have agreed to meet together for the first time. Many people equate the feelings of the match meeting with that of a first date- it may make you nervous, or maybe it even feels awkward.
We want you to know that everyone comes to the table nervous, excited, and even emotional about this step, and we hope to provide a few points to help your conversation flow more naturally.
So, let’s get to know each other!
#1 – Take a deep breath and relax
It’s important to know that everyone who comes to this stage of the surrogacy process is nervous, excited and possibly emotional.
So, rest assured that you’re not the only one feeling the way you are! Sometimes it helps to simply start the conversation off by saying “I’m nervous!” and you will inevitably hear a sigh of relief and a “me too!”
This meeting is not meant to be stressful, or be an interview, but rather a conversation to better get to know one another.
#2 – Introduce yourself
The surrogacy journey is a process that gives two families an incredible opportunity for a very unique bond! You’ll have a lot of time to get to know each other. Begin your match meeting by giving a brief introduction.
Share a few details about yourself- who you are, talk about your family, where you live, what your life looks like on a daily basis, and possibly what motivated you to become a part of this journey.
#3 – Getting to know you
Try to keep your conversation light and be willing to learn about the other individual. Keeping the conversation light, in the beginning, will allow everyone to begin to relax and the conversation will start to flow.
Try to review your match potential’s profile before-hand and try to find topics that you would like to know more about.
#4 – Communication is key
Communication is a large part of this process. It is important to establish your hopes and communication expectations early on. Do you wish to communicate by phone, skype or email? How frequently would you like to be in communication? (ex: weekly or monthly).
It is also important to discuss your expectations and hopes after the baby is born. Some surrogates provide breastmilk to help the baby establish their immunity. Parents are you comfortable remaining in contact with your surrogate, or sending her occasional photos as your child grows? Surrogates often times enjoy seeing the family happy and growing!
#5 – To be involved or not to be
Think about the level of involvement you are comfortable with. As a surrogate, are you comfortable with parents attending doctor appointments or being in the delivery room? Are you able to share with the parents whenever you have an appointment and what took place during the appointment?
Parents, do you wish to be involved at appointments or be in the delivery room?
Do you want the surrogate to share with you when different milestones occur, such as the first time she feels the baby kick?
#6 – Expectations
We’ve already discussed communication expectations, but it is also important to discuss your individual expectations regarding termination or any hopes and requests on a lifestyle adjustment.
For instance, do you wish your surrogate to completely eliminate caffeine from her diet, or eat organically while she is pregnant? Be sure to keep your expectations reasonable and doable. If you have concerns, please discuss them with your agency coordinator.
#7 – What to avoid
There is one main topic we ask individuals (both surrogates and intended parents in particular) to avoid discussing in the match meeting: Money.
That is, any discussion about the surrogate’s compensation package, trying to negotiate it down with her, ask her to take less or change parts of her compensation, or even asking her what she will “do with the money.”
When surrogate mothers sign on with Made in the USA Surrogacy they are agreeing to receive a pre-established surrogate compensation package. The amounts of her surrogate compensation are non-negotiable.
Discussions about money with your surrogate are off color and irrelevant to your relationship with her- because you, as the parent, have already agreed with Made in the USA Surrogacy’s surrogate cost structure and surrogate benefit package.
Keep in mind it will inevitably make her feel uncomfortable and guarded- NOT what you want for the first meeting together. Your main focus as an intended parent should be to connect with your surrogate- and save the money questions for your surrogate agency specifically.
#8 – Are you ready?
Remember your match meeting is meant to be an opportunity to get to know the individual you will embark on this journey with.
Often times during the meeting, both, surrogates and parents begin to feel emotionally connected to one another. We’ve had parents and surrogates cry, laugh, hug and become excited! Surrogates and parents often times become very close during the surrogacy process and communication and involvement are very rewarding.
We look forward to helping you find your perfect match and walking you through your entire surrogacy journey.