7 Questions to Ask Your Surrogate
Questions for getting to know your surrogate mother on a deeper level
Hello hopeful intended parents searching for surrogate mothers!
So it’s been months or even a year since you’ve been on the hunt looking for a surrogate. Maybe you even had a few surrogate mothers fall out of the process already – bringing anger, grief, and pain and more time to a process that has already been so long! Good news! Now your surrogate agency in California has found you another or your first surrogate prospect.
So what do you do now? You’re excited to see the profile and she looks like she’d make an excellent surrogate mother prospect.
Hopefully, your surrogate agency has now set up an appointment for you to meet or greet your surrogate mother either through Facetime or in person.
For this meeting, Made in the USA Surrogacy has a few suggestions to ask your surrogate mother:
1) – Tell me about your family- how many children do you have?
This is a great question to ask your surrogate. The purpose of this question is to “get to know” your surrogate. You may even know the answer to this question already- but it’s a conversation starter.
Remember, your surrogate would not be getting involved in this process if she didn’t first love being a mother.
Chances are, her children are one of the most important and pertinent topics in her life. You will get to know your surrogate mother best when being introduced to her- by speaking about her current children and asking about her life.
2) – Why did you want to become a surrogate? Can you tell me more about your journey to become a surrogate?
Another great question to ask your surrogate is about her motivations. This meant to give you clarity as a parent as to why this particular person decided to make the decision to become a surrogate.
The details she provides that led her to this decision will provide you further insight as to the type of person she is and the motivations behind becoming a surrogate. Hopefully you will gain a better understanding as to who this person may be and what she is all about.
3) – Look for common ground- speak about your interests, careers and ambitions
Do you have an interest in psychology? Is your background in music? You never know, perhaps your surrogate is also interested in these topics.
Finding common ground with your surrogate is an excellent way to build rapport and help build the relationship.
We have had surrogates who have majored in school in a topic, and one of the intended parents is a teacher/professor in this subject! How cool is that!?
Likewise, the surrogate may have a career in something that interests the parents and will become a topic of interest to both.
4) – How many embryos are you willing to transfer?
As an intended parent, you know that you have a certain number of children that you and your significant other are trying to achieve.
You know that your surrogate budget may or may not include multiple transfers or “multiples” transfer to the surrogate. With your surrogate budget aside, your potential surrogate looking to become a surrogate will also have certain numbers in mind with how many embryos she is comfortable to transfer.
Most surrogates are afraid of transferring two, though there are many that will. It’s helpful to be on the same page as to whether your potential surrogate is OK with transferring multiple embryos or if she wants to try just one and see what happens.
At Made in the USA Surrogacy, we will already work out these details before actually having the potential surrogate and the intended parents meet. However, we do not know how other agencies process their potential matches.
5) – How much contact will you wish to have with the family or with us?
This question is a good question to ask your surrogate. Everyone is comfortable with a certain amount of communication, whether that be a lot, a little, or not much at all.
Again, at our surrogate agency in California, we ask the communication question to both surrogates and parents and will base our matches on their answers to these questions.
Will the surrogate be OK with sending pictures of her growing belly, or progress of her as she is pregnant? Will she want to be involved in the child’s birthday events (if she is near to the parents) or will you as a parent not want any of this type of communication?
Even if we have addressed these questions on the applications, it’s a great thing to make sure everyone both surrogate and parents are on the same page with expectations of communication.
6) – What is your stance on abortion/termination?
This issue can cause major ripples between what happens in a birth and different issues surrounding the growth of the baby and other medical professionals in the process.
Both the surrogate and the intended parents need to make sure they are on the same page on these topics. Luckily, Made in the USA Surrogacy does match based on these preferences, so you will most likely share beliefs.
7) – I have a specific idea on certain diet or travel restrictions or other, is this OK with you?
As an intended parent or parent who is infertile looking for a surrogate, you may have many thoughts on how you would like your surrogate to conduct herself. We have had parents concerned about surrogates who change cat litter, surrogates who eat meat, and surrogates who eat junk food.
As a parent, you may be concerned about a host of issues related to diet. These questions are important and a great topic to speak with your potential surrogate about.
When your surrogate agency has finally matched you with a surrogate, at the match meeting is the a great time to speak openly.
Having open discussions between both surrogate and parent is helpful for everyone involved to properly set expectations.
Make sure she understands your concerns related to travel, and also the timing of travel and what your ideas are for when it is appropriate or when it should be restricted due to the birth coming closer.
Whether you’re looking for a surrogate, in the process of finding a surrogate, or you have recently had a suggested match with a surrogate – Made in the USA Surrogacy is here to help you by providing resources to guide you through the process of surrogacy.
If you have not found a surrogate yet, we encourage all parents to fill out this form, we will be more than happy to present you with a surrogate from Roseville, Northern California or surrogate in California or another surrogate friendly state.
We are also available to speak about finding a surrogate at the following number: